Grandpa Riding

I have many memories of my sweet little grandpa. I remember him that way because he was always shorter than me for most of these memories except for a few vague earlier ones. There was a certain feeling in Grandma and Grandpa Riding's home that I can't quite describe although I'm certain you all know what I am referring to--a mixture of particular smells, sounds, and feelings that bring me back to them.

After Grandpa passed away someone brought out a huge bag full of his hat collection and I chose a few to take home--a tweed English style cap and an orange "I love beer" hat in particular. The English style cap smelled like Grandpa for at least five years afterwards and whenever I missed him too much I'd take out that hat and bury my nose in it, closing my eyes and pretending I was sitting in his living room with the muffled sound of a football game in the background. My oldest daughter Emelie has now taken over the hat because it's stylish again today. I was happy to pass it on to her so that she could have a part of Grandpa too.

The last time I visited Grandpa when he was still semi-healthy was just a few weeks after my third daughter, Erin, was born. A month or so afterwards he was taken to the hospital up in Provo. But at this visit he was walking around and Grandma Riding was on the couch with a hip injury. He was so adamant about making sure Erin had a quarter collection with her imprinted name on it like her two older sisters had. Despite the obvious effort it took him, he got the quarters out then and there and made her one before we left. Making sure all of his grandkids and great-grandkids were included in his interests was so important to him and I know it made all of us feel so special to him to be included in his $2.00 bill tradition, and then later his quarter collection.

I remember him asking me about my husband Rob, who hadn't come with me on this visit. He had always been excited that Rob had served in the Navy and had had long conversations with him on previous visits, through the help of his notepad, about Rob's Navy experiences. He was happy to have a grand-son-in-law who could appreciate his admiration for his son's Naval accomplishments. He was so proud of his son and never let a chance go by on our visits without whipping out Uncle Bob's Navy photos and sharing his admiration. He was a proud daddy that's for sure!

The last time I saw my Grandpa before he passed away was two days before at his home in Delta. I had driven down from Orem, where we were living at the time, with my sister Tinille, and my mom met us in Delta. I think either Aunt Lynette or Aunt Kris were there too, and of course Grandma, but I was too distraught inside to remember all the details except for one particular experience. A hospice nurse had come by to help Grandpa change his bedsheets. Grandpa was very obviously in deep pain. It was very hard to see Grandpa in so much pain and we were all gathered together in the corner of the livingroom in tears, some of us having to leave the room.

The nurse asked for some help moving him, and I stepped forward to help lift his head and shoulders. For some reason in those few moments I was able to put my grief aside and be a pillar of strength for Grandpa as he lied there in pain. I held his hand and leaned down near his face and said, "Grandpa, it's Amber, do you hear me?" He squeezed my hand in response. "I love you Grandpa, you can get through this, okay!" He squeezed my hand again, and we kept eye contact as I lifted up his shoulders. It might be seven years ago, but that moment will be frozen in time for me as I think on it, for it was a moment when I saw my Grandpa not just as my Grandpa and I as his granddaughter, but as another spirit who was in deep physical pain and our spirits connected as he leaned on my strength for a moment. He was my brother and I was helping him through this temporary pain, and a glimpse of our eternal spirits together overcame every fear I had as our hearts connected.

Grandpa is still there close in my memories, and will stay there as I reflect on his life, learning from the example he left for me. He was loved by many people in Delta. He was a great man, one I've tried to learn more of from hearing other's experiences with him. He was a handsome man and a cute "Italian-looking" gramps as he got older. He valued honesty and honor, integrity, and concern for others. He lived his life with zest, humor, and commitment. And he detested hypocrisy. When he felt strongly about something, he was adamant to have it happen. I remember one time Jan'l, Tinille, and I visited Delta and went out to dinner with Grandpa at that resturant with the big bull on top of it (Steakhouse something?). We were about to order typical chicken and he put his foot down: We were going to have steak! We came to a steakhouse and we weren't going to eat chicken! I've also heard stories of how committed he was to buying local and supporting Delta's community. He was an excellent example of how to be involved in and support our communities and neighborhoods.

I love my Grandpa Riding for all that he was and all that his life taught me.

--Amber Lynn Petersen McKenna