"Nearer My God, to Thee"

Music is my only way to deal. It's the only way I am able to handle things. What an amazing emotional relief it is to sing, hum, play or listen to something that has such profound meaning at a certain place and time. What a blessing.

I was fortunate enough to take time off school to be with Grandpa Riding at the hospital in Provo. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. Just to be able to sit with him, talk to him, sing little things to him here and there. As pained as he was, he showed such elation for the things I shared with him. My grades, subjects in school I enjoyed, making student council and the things I would be in charge of. He was especially excited about me planning dances. He wanted me to teach the foxtrot. :) Sadly, I was never, nor am I now, any good at dancing. You can imagine, I was sorry to disappoint. :) I spent two days with him and STILL it was not enough. It would never be enough. My mom and I tried to see him as much as possible.

The last time I saw Grandpa Riding was June 3, 2002. He was in a hospice bed in Delta and my mom, Tam and I had gone down to be with him. Aunt Myrna and Uncle Jim were there as well, and I think Aunt Kris was there too. Well, as much time as I had spent with him, nothing was able to prepare me for the scene before me. Here was a man so strong. So full of integrity. So kind and generous. So tender. A man filled with such love and pride for his family, friends and country. In a body so weak. So frail. So fragile. And yet his strength was shining through. What an amazing man.

I held onto his hand that night, talking gently, humming softly, and when I sang a line or two of "More Holiness Give Me" I felt a light pressure on my hand. The smallest squeeze...to let me know he was aware. I felt urged to go on. I felt the need to prolong his calm, this peaceful feeling of love that filled his home. "Nearer My God, to Thee" sprung to my lips and I sang. Quietly and humbly I sang these words softly in his ear by his bedside:

Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee!

E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me,

Still all my song shall be, Nearer, my God, to Thee;

Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee!

Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,

Darkness be over me, My rest a stone;

Yet in my dreams I'd be, Nearer, my God, to Thee;

Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee!

There let the way appear, Steps unto Heav'n;

All that Thou sendest me in mercy giv'n;

Angels to beckon me, Nearer, my God, to Thee;

Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee!

Then with my waking thoughts, Bright with Thy praise,

Out of my stony griefs, Bethel I'll raise;

So by my woes to be, Nearer, my God, to Thee;

Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee!

Or if on joyful wing, Cleaving the sky,

Sun, moon, and stars forgot, Upward I fly;

Still all my song shall be, Nearer, my God, to Thee;

Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee!

The Spirit, so strong, washed over me. Covering me in the most powerful feeling. I was overwhelmed with profound, divine love. It stayed with me. It stayed with him. I could feel the presence of it all night. This song, every meaning within it, was my way of grieving for my grandpa and what a beautiful feeling it is for me to know that my singing it was a comfort for him as well.

I share this story, not to get the tears flowing (although, let's be honest, I AM Lynette's daughter, and the tears are flowing freely), but to share with all of you, a moment that has been engraved in my memory and held so dear to my heart. How blessed I am to have been taught so much by a man I had never heard speak. Who taught me more by his example than words could have done justice. I miss him dearly. I only hope I can be as great an example as he was to me.

*Cassie Player*